My thoughts on having children have fluctuated a lot in recent years. I used to think I’d make a good dad back when I thought that was my only option. I almost clinged to the idea of being a father as that would be a sure-fire way to cement my place as the male I felt I was required to be in this world.
As I grew more and more uncomfortable with being a guy the thought of being a father, of having kids in general, became unbearable. Now that I have moved through my transition I can more clearly analyze what my wants and needs are and I do truly feel like I could become a good parent someday, just not in the way I had previously imagined it.
All that being said, no, these kids are not mine. But spending time with my adorable little cousins (and also in seeing pics of myself with them) helps me to see that one day I think I could make a damn good mom. It feels pretty awesome knowing that what I want is actually what I want, and not just what I feel I SHOULD want.