I remember crying a lot as a child, for feeling the way I did but not knowing why. I remember crying as I grew older, for my fears that I’d never become the girl I knew I was inside were becoming my reality. I remember crying even after I decided to transition, as I began to worry about losing everyone and everything that was important to me.
I remember the night that Trump was elected. It was around the same time I was just beginning to realize that my feelings of wanting to be a girl were never going to go away, no matter how much I tried. I remember thinking to myself, “maybe I’ll deal with this all in 4 years, once it’s a safer environment for me to come out”. But I decided to slowly tread down this road anyway, because my future happiness wasn’t something that should ever be placed in the hands of someone else.
This transition has been full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I have never felt more content, happy, and blissful as I did this past weekend after celebrating one year on HRT, but when I heard the news yesterday I could feel those old feelings of sadness and despair coming back. I resisted the immediate urge to cry and to want to give up, but I’m done crying. No one else gets to tell me who I am, how I feel, or what I get to do with my own life, or my own body. I’m tired of feeling like I need to justify my own existence, but I damn sure won’t stop now, not after everything I’ve gone through to have the life I want. And I feel inspired to keep fighting by others that also refuse to give up. We #wontbeerased.